The Art of Letting Go

I recently heard from a client of mine who was feeling a little shaky about a big decision she had to make. That decision involved following her heart toward a gender preference that meant leaving her husband. Her concern was for her husband, whether he would find passionate love, whether he would be okay when she left, and when she should initiate this difficult discussion. She was feeling a lot of fear and doubt.

She'd emailed me these questions and so I had the opportunity to take some more time than I normally might in replying. I decided to practice channelling this information from the spirit realm rather than offer her my impressions from the psychic realm.

Psychic impressions, by the way, come from physical objects in the physical world. A voice, photograph, handwriting, a piece of jewelry -- all can convey information about the past, present and future. I heard my client asking for more though. In addition to straightforward answers to her questions, I heard her asking for reassurance, courage, and a way to employ faith. Because it isn't legal or ethical for me to offer advice that I'm being paid for (I'm not a paid licensed therapist, nor am I acting just as a friend who might offer free advice), I have to compose careful replies in accordance with my profession's limits.

I truly applaud courage in doing what the heart compels, especially when it comes to choosing personal comfort over another's, and I can appreciate the internal struggle that precedes and follows those heart-centered decisions. I sat down at my computer, closed my eyes for a moment and asked for the right words to answer her, and I began to type. I can type with my eyes closed, so this is an easy way for me to get the fleeting impressions down quickly before they dissolve, and it also allows me to get my conscious mind out of the way -- because I've been typing since the sixth grade (my mother had high hopes I'd marry a rich man, but if I didn't at least I could work as a secretary) there is something like a direct line from my brain to my hands. I can actually type something and have a different conversation at the same time; since this is kind of what's going on when I channel, typing while I "meditate" lends itself to my own peculiar brand of inspired writing. I've heard from many sources far better at channeling than I am that it's better to write long hand, but because typing is so much more immediate for me than handwriting, I'm going to stick with this format.

After I asked the question, "How can I help her? Please give me the words to say to her," I just started moving my fingers on my own. They weren't being moved for me or anything like that, I was just priming the pump, "emptying the bucket," with this movement. The first few words had some conscious interference but then I found that sentences were coming through my fingers. I was totally aware of what I was writing, but it seemed like my fingers were ahead of my brain, rather than the other way around. Rather than writing from my own thoughts, this was almost like I was taking dictation (I guess all that secretarial training worked out after all, since the man I married didn't get rich till after our divorce).

This is what I typed for my client:

"When I do Message Circles or other mediumship work, the spirit people always have such a wise perspective on our struggles in life. In general they say to us, 'Trust that nothing is really as big a deal as you think it is. Trust that everyone will be okay, including yourself. This will all make sense when you're dead.' Then they fill the room up with lots of laughter and joyful energy.

"That's what letting things unfold is all about: trust that if you feel your heart (not your head) is guiding you or directing you, and you follow it, that you will never have been wrong or be regretful. In the meantime, everyone will be okay, and in the end, everything will make beautiful, perfect sense.

"In answer to your questions, you don't have to figure out the right time frame to talk to your husband. When your mind is made up, and your heart has had enough of perserverating, you will be ready to confidently, compassionately, share the truth. It's better to let the time present itself, than to force it to happen.

"You may feel that you're in a terrible state of a heart torn in half, but it is unwise to force this final conversation. Finally, one day, you will wake up and it will be 'the day.' Despite ultimatums and deadlines, this conversation has to bloom organically from within you, with your own perfect initiative. And while the conversation may not be easy to have, it will be easy to begin. Ignore the pressure from your thoughts or from external sources, and you will be guided to the right time.

"As for whether your husband will find passionate love, of course the answer is this: you cannot let that stop you or delay you from your own passionate life. It is none of your business how he plumbs his own feelings or whether or not he seeks passion. You are not responsible for the richness or fullness of his life, and as long as you carry that responsibility, you will prevent him from finding out for himself, and at the same time dilute your own experience. It's a natural thing to do when you care about someone. But be assured that released from a half-passionate life, he will be free to seek out -- if HE chooses to -- true fulfillment.

"Talk about your fears and doubts to God, or your angels, or your beloveds in spirit. Get every terrible thought of yourself out, if you have to tear it out by the roots; how to do that? For once and for all, for the first or last time, say out loud to God every single fear you have, every decision you regret, every action you're ashamed of. Let every sorry, wretched thought come out. Only God is listening. Let Him hear your secrets, which He knows and has forgiven before you were even born. There is no part of you so black or so hidden that God's light cannot shine into.

"Leave all of that there with God or your beloveds. They want you to put those burdens down now. You are here in a physical body to live fully and with the purpose that is stamped in your heart. Be cheerful when you can. Accept that you are forgiven even in advance of the things you have not yet done."

When I was done it occurred to me that I was writing about "letting go," that vague directive all the self-help books and gurus tell us we need to do. But what the hell does it mean? How do you do it?

I think you do it this way:

1. You select a spirit/angel/God (or person) to hear you. You must be able to feel in some part of you, somewhere, that this spirit/angel/God or person will not judge you. You don't have to fully accept it at the beginning of this process, but you have to have an inkling that you can really divest yourself of every ugly self-assessment without perceiving that some of your own harsh judgment or shame will be projected back on to you from whoever is listening.

2. You take a deep breath and wade in to all the muck and mire of yourself. Confess everything. Hold back nothing. You will know you are holding back nothing when huge, tsunami-like waves of emotion overtake you; you may be in tears, sobbing, wailing, furiously gnashing your teeth or rending your garments, roaring, shaking, curling into a fetal position and sucking your thumb... it will be raw and maybe scary, but it's important to let this emotional energy OUT. These are the emotions you kept under control for so long because it felt like if you even let a crack develop in the dike holding them back, that all the pressure of their accumulated years will push forth and be totally unstoppable.

3. At some point in this you will feel finished. You may laugh at yourself; you may feel dried out, emptied out, or shed of a great weight; you may just feel exhausted from the effort. Now this is the very important part: conclude that you will leave all of that right where you left it, at the feet of your spirit/angel/God/person. This is where you must make the decision to "let go." This is what letting go means. You dropped these burdens by expressing them. Hanging on to them means you keep revisiting them or replaying those thoughts in your mind or in your present self-assessment. Letting go means not letting your thoughts return to them once they have been emptied from your psyche.

4. You must trust that, having heard the worst of you (in your perception anyway), your spirit/angel/God/person says simply, "okay, that's done." AND IT'S DONE. Your spirit/angel/God/person has declared that you are now DONE with that, so who the heck are you to disagree and keep revisiting it? Have faith by making believe if you have to.

5. If those kind of thoughts or regrets return, you say to yourself something like, "that's done," or "no more of that."

There may be varying degrees of things to let go of, anger at being laid off for instance may not be a soul-wrenching sobfest for 2 hours, but a furious raging for 30 minutes. Letting go of abuse or trauma at an early age may take hours of deliberate wailing -- or it may not. When you give yourself permission to exercise the art of letting go, you will intuitively know how long it will take and when you are done.